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Scene from a studio.

Posted: August 26th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

“Alright everybody, a one, a two, a one, two, three, four,” says Mitchell Williamson, the producer and composer.
 
Arnold Kampis, Martin Thames and Stan Bentley come in on the keys, jazz flute and drums. It’s a sultry tune, light, but not too carefree. Then Pete Stetz blows his alto sax, adding just the right amount of squak and squeal to keep things interesting for 12 bars. They’re grooving. Then it’s Pete’s turn to mix things up a little bit.
 
“Squak-a, squak-a squeal, squeally-do, squaka, squealllllllllllllllllllllllll–”
 
“Ho, ho, hold it, stop. Pete, what was that?”
 
“Huh? Uh, you know, a solo?”
 
“Okayyyyy, but it sounded like you were trying something a little different. Sounded more free jazz to me.”
 
“Well, you know, just trying to keep it funky.”
 
“Okay, I appreciate that Pete, but that’s a little too much funk. You do remember the name of this tune, right?”
 
“Yeah, I thought it was Macy’s Junior section, jeans and gems number 16.”
 
“Pete, did you even read the sheet? It’s JC Penney Misses blouses! Number three!”
 
“Oh.”
 
“Yeah. Alright, let’s pick it up right before your solo and let’s see if you can stay on track this time. A one two three four.” 


Ballad of the hot-dog eating champion.

Posted: August 20th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

Consumption is a function that I quite enjoy,
Whether it’s a gargantuan steak or a massive po-boy.
Meat and potatoes, dressings and cheese,
I’ve never met any food-like item that I wouldn’t eat.

But there is one thing that stands above the rest,
It’s a little bit of this and little bit of that, yet it’s the best.
It’s better than the sum of its parts
And eating it fast really isn’t that hard.

It’s a hot dog and it rocks hard
I break it apart, dip the bun in water and scarf
It down, then repeat the process until the timer goes off
Then pow, I bow, shake a hand and cough.
I’m the winner again and I’m going to try not to barf.